Do you think everything happens for a reason?

And my answer is probably not the one people expect.

No. I don’t believe everything happens for a reason.

I believe a lot of things happen because of the choices we make.

Sometimes they happen because of choices other people make.

Sometimes things happen because life is unpredictable.

And sometimes things happen because, well, people do stupid things.

I have certainly made my share of those decisions. If bad choices came with trophies, some of us would need a bigger shelf.

You know when I was 16 years old, some things happened to me in high school that turned me against wanting to be in high school and I quit , I quit going. I was jumped by several boys. I believe they were seniors one night. I was walking home from a basketball game I thought for sure I was gonna be raped. Did I think that happened for a specific reason no.. But thankfully, a friend of mine happened to be home from the military was driving down the road saw someone getting jumped by several boys got out of the car saw it was me and got me the heck out of there.

Was it my fault that I was walking a few blocks home in the dark from a basketball game? It was only 7 o’clock at night. I would say no I walked to the game with my friends walked home from the game with my friends, however a couple of my friends decided to stay longer and go drinking and I didn’t want to so I headed home thankfully I believe God was looking out for me and put my friend in that vicinity at the same time, could’ve been a stranger going down the street that it could’ve helped me possibly, but we don’t know.

I don’t truly believe everything happens for a reason.

And after I quit school, I went to work full-time knew I needed to finish my education and so I went back to school at night, and I ended up with my diploma a year before my graduating class.

I think there is a big difference between saying “everything happens for a reason” and saying “God can bring something good out of what happened.”

Those are not the same thing.

I believe deeply in God.

I believe in prayer.

I believe in grace.

I believe God can take our messes, mistakes, heartbreak, losses, failures, and even things we never asked for, and somehow help us find strength, wisdom, compassion, or purpose in them.

But I do not believe every painful thing that happens was deliberately placed in our lives because it was somehow “supposed to happen.”

Choices Matter

Take homelessness.

I do not believe every homeless person somehow ended up there because that was their destiny.

And I certainly do not believe God or the universe sat around one day saying, “Let’s make this person homeless and see what happens.”

Life is far more complicated than that.

Someone can have a good job, a home, a family, and a perfectly normal middle-class life.

Then the company closes.

We saw that happen in towns all across America when steel mills and factories shut down.

Thousands of people who had worked hard for years suddenly had no job. Men and women who had worked in the same company or Factory for 10, 20, 30+ years getting ready to retire maybe 60 years old now out of work and they’re wondering who is going to hire them when you have a 25 year-old competing for the same job who is probably college educated on top of everything else.



And when one company employs a huge percentage of a town, where exactly is everybody supposed to go?

The mortgage company still wants its money.

The electric company still sends the bill.

The grocery store does not accept “my company closed” as payment.

Savings disappear.

Unemployment runs out.

And eventually, some people lose their homes.

That did not happen because they were lazy.

It did not happen because God decided they needed a lesson.

It happened because circumstances changed.

Now some people could say well they could get a job anywhere. They’re just too particular well that may be true but you also have to think of a person‘s been at a company for 20 or 30 years even 10 years. They’re making a far better wage than somebody starting out at McDonald’s making a minimum wage and who’s to say that that job that they’re taking in a low pay is still gonna cover the mortgage in the bills..

Then there are other people who may become homeless because of addiction, gambling, poor financial choices, broken relationships, untreated mental health issues, or a combination of problems.

Every story is different.

That is one reason I try very hard not to look at someone’s current situation and assume I know how they got there.

We usually see the current chapter, but maybe not the last chapter .

We have no idea what happened in the first twenty chapters.

Sometimes Our Choices Catch Up With Us

Smoking is another example.

I started smoking cigarettes when I was 15 years old both my parents smoked, and I used to steal their pal mal’s of all the disgusting cigarettes to steal no filter disgusting. I upgraded Kool’s when I got a job after I quit school at 16.

And I smoked until I was about 50 I hated smoking. I hated the way it smelled. I hated the way my mouth tasted after I had a cigarette. It was just a nasty disgusting habit and I quit cold turkey and I have never picked up a cigarette since that’s been over 10 or 15 years now thank God.

If someone smokes for fifty years and later develops lung cancer, I do not believe the universe chose that person and said, “You’re next.”

Smoking damages the body.

We know that.

It is printed right on the package.

Now, nicotine is incredibly addictive, and I am not saying quitting is easy.

Some people try over and over again.

Some desperately want to stop and cannot.

Some do not want to stop.

Some tell themselves they will quit next year.

And next year somehow keeps moving.

But choices still have consequences.

That does not mean we should judge people.

It means we should understand that what we do today can affect us years from now.

The same thing can happen with drugs.

Addiction can completely change the direction of a person’s life.

Someone who might have built a business, raised a family, traveled the world, or lived a completely different life can end up losing jobs, relationships, money, freedom, and sometimes everything.

Not because they were born to fail.

Not because God wanted them destroyed.

But because addiction can take one choice and turn it into a road that becomes harder and harder to leave.

Our Choices Can Affect Innocent People Too

This is where I really struggle with the phrase “everything happens for a reason.”

Suppose I am driving and texting.

I look down at my phone.

I drift into another lane.

I hit another car.

Someone in that car is seriously injured.

Was that injury part of some grand cosmic plan?

I don’t believe that.

That person was injured because I made a terrible choice.

My stupidity became part of their life.

That is sobering when you think about it.

Our choices do not stay neatly contained inside our own lives.

They spill over.

They affect our husbands, wives, children, parents, friends, coworkers, neighbors, and sometimes complete strangers.

That is why responsibility matters.

That is why kindness matters.

That is why integrity matters.

That’s why doing the right thing when no one is watching matters.

And that is why your phone can absolutely wait until you get to the parking lot.

Some Things Just Happen

I also believe there are things that happen in life that have nothing to do with anyone’s choices.

Storms happen.

Accidents happen.

Illness happens.

A tree falls.

A person can do everything “right” and still receive a terrible diagnosis.

A perfectly healthy person can have something unexpected happen to them.

And sometimes beautiful things happen randomly too.

You sit beside someone you have never met and become lifelong friends.

You take a wrong turn and discover a place you love.

You miss one opportunity and later realize it pushed you toward something better.

Life is full of things we cannot explain.

And I think we do ourselves a disservice when we feel obligated to slap a little inspirational sticker on every painful experience that says:

“Everything happens for a reason.”

Sometimes people do not need a reason.

Sometimes they need a hug.

Sometimes they need somebody to sit beside them.

Sometimes they need someone to say:

“I don’t understand why this happened either, but I’m here.”

That can be far more Christlike than trying to explain somebody’s suffering.

Where I Believe God Comes In

This is where my faith becomes very important to me.

I do not believe God causes tragedy.

But I do believe God can meet us in one.

I believe He can help us rebuild.

I believe He can take something that nearly destroyed us and somehow use it to make us more compassionate toward another person.

I believe He can take our mistakes and teach us.

I believe He can take our regrets and help us make better choices.

I believe He can take our heartbreak and soften our hearts instead of hardening them.

And I believe He can take something we never would have chosen and still help us find purpose on the other side.

That is the God I believe in.

Not a God sitting in Heaven moving people around like chess pieces.

But a loving Father who walks with us through this complicated, beautiful, painful, ridiculous thing called life.

Jesus never promised us that life would be easy.

In fact, He said the opposite:

“In this world you will have trouble.”

But He also told us not to lose heart.

That matters to me.

Because faith does not mean pretending nothing bad will happen.

Faith means believing bad things do not have to have the final word.

So No, I Don’t Believe Everything Happens for a Reason

I believe choices matter.

I believe consequences are real.

I believe other people’s decisions can change our lives.

I believe random things happen.

I believe we live in an imperfect world filled with imperfect people.

But I also believe in something bigger.

I believe God can take what happened and help us decide what happens next.

Maybe the question should not always be:

“Why did this happen to me?”

Maybe sometimes the better question is:

“God, now that this has happened, what can I do with it?”

Can I learn from it?

Can I grow from it?

Can I help someone else?

Can I forgive?

Can I change?

Can I become kinder?

Can I make sure somebody else does not have to walk the same road alone?

Because maybe everything does not happen for a reason.

But with faith, grace, wisdom, and a few better choices along the way, I believe we can still find purpose in what happens.

And sometimes, that purpose becomes one of the most beautiful parts of the story.