I once suffered from what I’ve come to call the ‘On-The-Outside-Looking-In Syndrome.’ This feeling of being an outsider, of not quite fitting in, not being good enough, took root during my first marriage. In those days, my insecurities ran deep, and I couldn’t seem find my place in the world, I was so busy trying to make everything perfect so I didn’t get beat up which never seemed to work. I was told how ugly I was, no one would ever love me, how I was nothing, worthless, I was called a whore when I couldn’t really go anywhere, when he lied to me he turned the table and called me a liar, I was told this and called many other vulgar names and he controlled so much of my life, where I worked, when to come home, what time dinner better be ready, I felt like a prisoner of war.
The struggle was undeniably real. It was during these challenging times that I developed a deep affection for the shepherds place in my nativity scene every Christmas. If I told my 1st husband how much I loved them he surely would have broken them. So I acted as if it was no big deal when in my heart it was.
When I reflect on the time of Jesus’ birth, it becomes apparent that there likely wasn’t a shepherd anywhere who didn’t grapple with this ‘Outside-Looking-In Syndrome.’ Shepherds were not just looked down upon; they were actively despised. In fact, according to Jewish law, not even an obligation existed to help a shepherd out of a pit if they fell in. It was as if society had deemed them invisible.
Shepherds were shunned from religious circles and occupied the lowest rung on the social ladder. No one extended a warm welcome to them at the temple door, and invitations to popular gatherings were simply unheard of. On top of all this, shepherds were unfairly branded as thieves, irrespective of their actual conduct.
Imagine this: there they were, isolated and ineligible, “out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night” (Luke 2:8, ESV). And then, in an astounding turn of events, “an angel of the Lord appeared to them” (Luke 2:9, ESV).
In that transformative moment, God chose to deliver the Good News of Jesus Christ directly to these marginalized individuals. The stir this created in their lives and communities must have been nothing short of extraordinary. I often wonder about the conversations that followed.
But why did God select the shepherds? The answer lies in the heart of Jesus. No matter how ineligible or unworthy we may feel, He reaches down, beckons us to belong, and elevates us by making us His own. After all, He is The Good Shepherd.
When I place those unassuming ceramic shepherds in our manger scene, they serve as a poignant reminder that in Christ, we find acceptance before God. In Christ, we belong. In Christ, we are wanted.
After I finally had the courage and strength to get out and stay gone. I met people who valued me, loved me and knew I was worthy. And this built my self esteem up again and I became me again.
As you go about your day, remember that you are not an outsider looking in. In Christ, you have found your place, and you are cherished. May you have a blessed day, filled with the peace that comes from knowing you are wanted and loved.
Have a Blessed Day
In life, we often find ourselves in situations where we feel like we’re on the outside looking in, even when we used to be part of the “in crowd.” As we age, this sensation can become more pronounced. This blog post explores the concept of the “Outside Looking In” syndrome and offers insights into how to navigate it with grace and self-awareness.
Observe Your Experience, Don’t Make It Wrong:
One of the first steps in addressing this feeling is to observe our experience without judgment. Instead of automatically assuming that others are right and we are wrong, we should practice neutral observation. By doing so, we open ourselves up to consider other possibilities and explore our options. This approach can lead to questions like, “What would make me feel comfortable? Where else do I feel at ease?”
Look Inward, Not Outward:
When we catch ourselves watching others having a good time, it’s crucial to turn our attention inward. Instead of comparing ourselves to them, we can view our negative feelings as feedback rather than as reasons for self-judgment. This shift allows us to explore what truly makes us happy and to consider alternative ways to have the experiences we desire.
Consider the Possibility That You Are Creating a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy:
Continually making ourselves wrong in such situations only perpetuates the cycle of negative feelings. Each encounter with the feeling of being disconnected from others taps into unresolved emotions from the past, intensifying our sense of “wrongness.” By considering alternatives and breaking this cycle, we can prevent this perspective from becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Pay Attention to What Works for You and What Doesn’t:
A crucial part of addressing this syndrome is to pay attention to what brings us fulfillment and what doesn’t. By using our own feedback to create more of what works for us, we can improve our overall well-being. This process is akin to mastering the art of living, leading to more satisfaction and joy in our lives.
Look Elsewhere:
Sometimes, the best solution is to explore other options and environments. If we find that a particular situation doesn’t make us happy, we shouldn’t force ourselves to fit in. Instead, we should seek out experiences where we naturally belong and feel good about ourselves. It’s about choosing happiness over conformity and being committed to finding our own path.
The “Outside Looking In” syndrome can affect people of all ages. However, as we grow older, it becomes even more essential to prioritize our own happiness and fulfillment. By observing our experiences without judgment, looking inward, considering alternatives, and paying attention to what truly works for us, we can break the cycle of feeling disconnected and create a more fulfilling life that aligns with our authentic selves. Ultimately, this approach helps us honor our own truth and trust that we belong in this world just the way we are.
Joyful-Echoes 